Kemarin, aku menulis hal-hal yang aku sambati di tahun 2019. Aku sudah berencana menulis tentang ini juga tahun kemarin. Kalau ada yang disambati, berarti ada yang harus disyukuri juga dong, karena hidup itu adil.
Kamu merasa hidup itu ngga adil? Ngga papa kok, aku pun sering begitu. Aku sering iri ke teman karena dia punya banyak hal yang aku tidak punya. Padahal, bisa jadi ada banyak hal yang aku punya, tapi dia tidak. Atau segala achievement yang dia raih, banyak pengorbanan yang aku tidak tahu. Jadi, sambat memang gapapa, karena kita manusia kok, tapi harus ada batasnya. dan juga, jangan membanding-bandingkan diri kita sendiri dengan orang lain, karena kita tidak tahu kehidupan dia seperti apa. :))
This is a personal post. I consciously write about this because I need to. It is a reminder for a future me, that I have been through this. I appreciate if you read this (but you don’t have to anyway), because I’m going to literally nag the whole post.
Anyway, I’m used to afraid talking about personal stuff on social media. I control my self-image on social media. I tried to be strong, perfect, and happy, but I don’t care about it anymore. As human, we are vulnerable. And when we aware of our vulnerability, we actually become stronger because we accept who we are. As I getting older, I realise I should not think what other people think about me at all times. I should not give my time to other people who do not worth my explanation.
I should not give a fuck of everything. I should give a fuck to things that worth to give a fuck.
Even though I’m not experiencing this, I get it why.
If I want to love someone or if I want to let someone to love me, I need to befriend with him first and vice versa. He needs to be able to be my friend, before I can fall in love with him, or before we got into a serious thing. I have a trust issue, so I need to make sure if I open my heart to someone, he can be trusted. I mean, I would not tell literally everything happen to my self to someone who I do not completely trust. If you are my friend, I can trust you. If I can trust you, I may fell in love with you. Wenak. (hahaha!)
Some people told me that I’m single because I’m picky. No. I just don’t trust people easily, in terms of relationship. Other than that, I’m cool at trusting people. Because you know that when you love someone who’s not right, it hurts. And I don’t want to waste my time for that anymore.
Seleksi alam itu berlaku di segala lini kehidupan kita; termasuk pertemanan. Setiap orang pasti punya pengalaman yang berbeda-beda, tapi kata kebanyakan orang, semakin kita dewasa, teman kita semakin dikit. Aku tidak tahu ‘dikit’ ini seberapa, karena dikit dan banyak itu sangat relatif. Namun, bagiku yang jelas, seleksi alam berlaku. Temanku yang masih membersamai aku sampai sekarang, bukan sekedar teman haha hihi, tapi teman yang aku bisa cerita dan diskusi apa saja, dari hal serius sampai remeh temeh. Dari teman jalan, teman kerja, teman komunitas, teman podcast, dan teman ngopi. Ain’t nobody got time for fake friends right.
Do you like to listen to podcasts? Me too!
I love to listen to podcasts because I love listening to people. Well, I’m an auditory person :). I listen to it while I’m studying or writing something or mostly while I’m running. Sometimes I prefer listening to podcasts instead of music while running because I tend to get bored with my own running playlist. I most likely memorize all of the songs in my playlist. Meanwhile, if I listen to a new episode of a podcast, I never expect what I’m about to hear. Selain itu, menyiapkan running playlist takes time, apalagi kalau tidak mau bosan harus rajin-rajib update playlist. Sementara itu, kalau podcast tinggal download aja podcast mana yang mau didengarkan ketika lari.
Kalau misalnya mau lari lama, ga bakal terasa. Kalau kamu mau lari selama 30 menit, tinggal cari aja podcast yang durasinya 30 menit. Kalau mau jogging satu jam, tinggal download podcast yang durasinya satu jam. Jika dibandingkan dengan mendengarkan lagu, aku cepat bosen karena misalnya ya, kalau lari satu lapangan biasanya aku bakal habis 1 lagu, sekitar 3-4 menit. Kalau podcast, seperti yang aku bilang tadi, aku gatau mereka bakal bilang apa. Jadi ada faktor ‘surprise’.
So, here are my favorite podcasts ever that I think you should listen to it too:
I did not know that my relationship was a toxic relationship until I read The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. It was failed relationships, though, now I’m glad it was failed; because it was unpleasant – if I may say.
PS: I dare writing about this on my blog because I am 100% completely, quite sure, that my exes are not giving a fuck about this or about me writing about our past relationship. Plus, we are not following each other on social media. Even if they read this, I do not mention their name and the failed relationships were not absolutely their sole fault. Part of them was my fault too.
First of all, I thank all of you for the birthday wishes. I feel loved and grateful. After all this year, you guys still remember me, and still being my friend no matter how weird and cranky I am sometimes (or maybe often, or always, I don’t know — you decide :D). I feel loved because even though I don’t care about my birthday thingy, yet you guys still care about it. So, I am sending this virtual hug to all of of my friends, and all of you who spend your time by reading this: I love you too guys!