I don’t mind talking about exes. I don’t have any feelings for them anymore, and I wonder why I was so crazy in love with them. hahaha! Anyway, I never write about this topic before, except the last one though.
I have three exes. (Mantan gebetan ga termasuk kan?). If it is included, I do not remember how many gebetan that I had because I never included them as a ‘serious relationship’. I don’t know what is it in English, I don’t think English have the concept of gebetan anyway.
The first and the second one when I was in senior high school. The third one is when I was in college. When I was in 10th grade, my school has 8 classes for 10th grade, I was included in X3. Saputra and Setio, not their real name, also in X3. At first, Setio and I were a best friend, but actually, I did like him, more than a friend. I don’t know why I liked him, it was so stupid. He was a bad guy, and I used to love bad guys. *ugh *I know 😏
At that time, Setio already had a girlfriend, s didn’t bother him with her girlfriend. Meanwhile, I was closed to Saputra. I couldn’t remember why we were so close. After a while, we texted a lot, he asked me whether I wanted to be his girlfriend. I don’t even remember how did it happen. But, I do remember that my heart was pounding when he said that he loved me. It feels so good when somebody likes me and says it. So, finally, we were in a relationship.
Yet, I wonder why Saputra liked me because he was the ‘famous’ one while I was just a low profile-ordinary-diligent girl. I felt suspicious that he was going to use me to do all of the school homework. So, I tested him. I asked him to do my chemistry stuff. *I know it sounds so silly, but yeah I did that. 😌
And he did it. But, he did it wrong. Well, it didn’t matter though, because first I didn’t like the subject, I didn’t know how to do it right, and the teachers were PPL teacher who likely couldn’t be mad to the students.
2 weeks, it was fine, we never quarreled or something. Though, one day I was him on a ride with a girl who was in a different class with me. I knew her. She was a chess championship. I felt like, oh my God, what happened.
Then, he broke up with me. He said that he loved his friend, but not that girl, and he didn’t want to hurt me. I knew that’s bullshit and he hurt me already anyway. This is the most horrific relationship I ever had.
When I broke up with Saputra, Setyo also broke up with her girlfriend. So, we were in a relationship. Yey. 😏
This is the longest relationship I ever had, 2 years. But I didn’t want to tell him a lot, because he was not that special, as a matter of fact. He was a hotheaded. On the other hand, I did understand why did he behave like that. He had a family issue. At that time I also had a family issue, maybe that was the reason why our relationship was lasting. I thought that we could conquer the world together.
But we couldn’t. 🤷
I started to realize that it wasn’t a healthy relationship. He didn’t make me feel better about myself and he made me sad at all the time. So, both of us agreed to end the relationship. Besides, we went to different university.
I still wonder why I stand for 2 years. I want to go back to 17 years old me and say to her that, “He is not that worth it.”
When I broke up with him, I felt empty. For a week. Even I almost got hit by a car because I crossed the street recklessly. I got better after 1-2 months because I liked another guy.
Then, the last time I had a relationship was a year ago with a guy named Aji, not his real name. This is the most special relationship I ever had. I feel it was special, even until now, because I literally can be myself when I’m with him. Yet, we had to break up because of some reasons, that I don’t want to tell you. I wrote a lot about him on my other blog that I shut it down, because I’m sad with my own writings and poems about him.
Today, to be honest I’m a little bit hopeless, because it is difficult to find another guy like Aji. I know, I know that people are irreplaceable, but at least I hope I can find a guy who can make me whole.
Few days ago, I met Aji on the street when he was heading to somewhere. I was waiting for my grab driver at that time. I was quite shock, and he was too, I guess. Then, yesterday he dm’ed on my instagram asking about Australia time zone.
I don’t want to assume anything. I don’t understand about you boys. 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷
Anyway, this is a little bit out of the topic.
Once, I talked about a relationship with my Arabian friend; one of the persons who is super logic. We were classmate at Intercultural communication and General Linguistics. He is fun! and I think he is not like ‘any other Arab guys’. He is a little bit liberal and very open minded. So, I asked him an opinion about a guy who asked me to a date but we are not even in a relationship. And he didn’t really get it. Because in Arab culture and custom, or maybe in anywhere else, if someone was on a date, it means that they were in a relationship. And I found out that this is very interesting. I think I can do a research about it, seriously. “A conceptualisation of ‘relationship’ in some countries.”
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